More southern fury

Two of my very close friends are getting married. Heartbroken that I couldn't attend their engagement party, Mike and I tried to find some great gifts for them on their registry. When everything was said an done, I checked the little box at the end of the online purchase form that said: "Ship packages together even if it takes longer." I also filled out a card with a little line that only they would understand.

I checked the package every couple of days to see how the order was progressing and to my dismay, I got an email stating: "Your packages have been shipped separately for your convenience."

Thanks. (Rolls eyes.)

The next blow came when they got the packages (separately of course) and neither had our card on it. This makes me really upset for two reasons. ONE: They then had to be put in the awkward position of asking people who it was from. Recently married myself, that's just not a fun thing to have to do. TWO: What if they didn't know we had sent it? They would have possibly had their feelings hurt thinking that we didn't think of them on their wedding.

I chose to spend my money with the culprit (TARGET!) over other registries they had AND I spent enough of it that I am just going to have to bitch about this. Knowing damn well that me writing a letter wasn't going to do a damn thing but relieve the swirling tornado of bad thoughts ripping through my brain as if it were a trailer park-- I wrote this:

Target floating heads:
I would just like to express my disappointment with your online
ordering system and my regrets that I will not be going to your store
for online purchases in the future.
My order was for around $200 after shipping and I checked a box that
specifically said that I wanted my items shipped together even if
that meant waiting longer.
Then, I received an email stating that for my "convenience" items
were shipped separately for faster shipping. At this point I just rolled
my eyes.
So, then when my items arrived, there was no card with it, putting
the bride and groom in the awkward position of having to ask around
to see who got them the gift and what is even worse, is the fact that
their feelings could have been hurt thinking that we didn't even
think of them when we infact chose to spend our money with you over the
other places they registered.
I am extremely unhappy with how this turned out and as a student just
out of college, spending that amount of money is more than just a drop
in the bucket and I expect my order to be treated more appropriately
and professionally. I will not be using your services in the future.
Thank you,
Jennifer Pavlovich

What's really funny about this, though, is that I'm already pissed off when I get this shit-can auto generated response. Take a read and tell me what's wrong with this picture:

Greetings from Target.com.

Shipping charges are an unavoidable part of using a mail-order
service, but we know that they can seem a nuisance. That's why we're
always working to keep our shipping costs as low as possible.

There are also a few things you can do to keep your shipping charges
down:

-Plan ahead: If you know you're going to need more than one item
from us, order them both at the same time instead of waiting until
you need each one. Shipping things together costs less than shipping
them separately.

-Be patient: If you have a little leeway in your schedule, choose
standard shipping instead of 1-day or 2-day. It takes longer, but it
costs less.

-Bundle up: When checking out, choose the "Group items into as few
shipments as possible" option. Some of your items may arrive a
little later than if you sent them separately, but reducing the
total number of packages is going to save you money.

Thanks for getting in touch with us. I hope you'll visit us again
soon.


Best regards,

Seraj

Target.com Guest Service

Wow. I really liked the third tip. THANKS TARGET.

Another Day with the Guatemalan Kit Car

You know how people say that groups of girls who work together or live together-- pretty much in close proximity most of the time-- get their periods at the same time? Well, did you know that the same is true for cars? Every time my car needs to go into the shop because its PMSing, Mike's car immediately follows suit and vice versa. Well, naturally, since I'm going on a long road trip next week, I wanted to take my car in for a tune-up to lessen the chance of any unnatural surprises while I'm 40 miles in to an 80 mile stretch of tumbleweeds and nothingness with two dogs and a car full of crap. Sensing this, Mike's brakes gave out. They seriously quit life. No signs, no symptoms, just GONE.

So we're stuck in that awkward position of not having a car. A rental car wasn't really an option because I needed to get the car in earlier than I could actually afford to pay for it since the trip is early next week and if they find anything wrong with it, they need time to actually work on it. With my account in the negative until payday, I couldn't exactly get myself a rental.

Well, thank God for my parents whose generous contribution to my financial mishap enabled me to take the car in AND get a rental. I took it in Thursday stressing very heavily that I needed the car back by no later than Monday morning because I was leaving to go out of town. They assured me that it would be looked at that morning.

So I got the world's ugliest little gas guzzler and was on my way.

Friday. 10:00am. Still no word from the car place.

I had to call the rental people and tell them that I would be keeping their Aveo for longer than anticipated and they weren't too concerned. I wouldn't be either. This car either came straight off an alien space craft or was manufactured by monkeys and little blind children in the deepest jungles of Guatemala. Its a very... very... odd car. Its the kind of car that induces a hearty pirate laugh from the deepest part of your gut-- as Mike did when he came outside to meet me on our way out for the evening. Yes, I took the little gas guzzler for a night out on the town since we had free tickets to a comedy club for us and 20 friends-- which by the way, was excellent. Its the best show I have seen to date and it was free! We saw Brian Bradley and it couldn't have been a better night-- even when the bums started following us down church street....

So anyway. Here we are and I still have the Guatemalan kit car. But at least its payday and all sort of financial emergencies are behind me-- barring any radical car surgery-- but that would be unexpected to say the least.
So if anyone sees a skinny, yet tall white vehicle whizzing down the road at a top speed of 45.... POSSIBLY leaking a trail of gas (where does it go so fast?!) its probably me and the Aveo.

List O' Mania

I'm trying a new approach to organizing the impending disaster that has become my life and apartment. I was actually really motivated and excited last Friday to clean the trash dump that we've been calling home sweet home... yet that somehow fizzled away... quickly. Hard to imagine that scrubbing toilets and doing laundry would tip the fun scale, I rented Mario Party 8 from blockbuster instead. Now, with only five days until my sister-in-law arrives and we head off for vacation, I am faced with the undeniable fact that I am going to need clean underwear and a clean spot for her to put her bags.
So as I was saying, a new approach. I have made lists. Lists of stuff that needs to be done so I don't stare blankly at the overwhelming tornado of crap that has taken over every room of our two-bedroom stankuary. I also made a list of important things that I need to have taken care of to bring with us on the trip. Naturally, I wrote them in pen so when I got stuck in one of Florida's daily downpours I ended up with a soggy piece of paper that looks like I wiped my nose on it- BUT that's okay because I still know what it says.
There is a list of 14 things on my cleaning agenda and as of 10:00 when the last load of laundry finishes, I will have completed two of them! This sounds laughable, yes, but lets think back to this weekend when I played the Wii like a ten year old for several hour straight.

I'm liking this list thing. Its so simple! I wonder if it can solve my other life's problems. I bet if I made a list, I wouldn't forget to bring important things to the gym with me like makeup or deodorant. *Note: About to go off on a tangent---

The morning gym goers are a different breed than the night owls. I feel like a pregnant, bloated baboon lumbering through the locker room as women of all ages are getting ready for work and looking beautiful and skinny. They have curlers and hair dryers and makeup, perfume, fancy lotions and clothes with colors in HD that haven't seen a washer more than 30 times. I have to say, that is intimidating to me. I would love to be one of those women, but since I can barely make it to the gym in the morning if I do at all, I rush through my laps in the pool, shower, throw on jeans and a t-shirt, minimal make-up, drag a brush through my hair and go off to work in flip-flops. On the one hand, I LOVE that. On the other, I see the night people who are less motivated and more slovenly for the most part and I am one of them. The night people sit around and waste time on the machines chatting with others and talking on the phone. The night people are taking up all the cardio equipment with attatched televisions. The night people don't have the same look about them... they look like me. I bet they even go home and eat cookies.
*** end tangent---

So... what? Oh yeah. Lists. So I wouldn't ever have to run home from the gym in a panic again. I could make a list of what I need to do at each moment of the day:

6:30am: Get out of bed.
6:40am: Seriously. Get out of bed.
7:00-7:30am: Swim laps
7:30-8:00am: Shower and get ready for work. Avoid eye contact with the girls who probably think you are the janitor.
8:30am-6:00pmish: Design books to make kids more smarter.

ETC. ETC.

I wonder if this would somehow set off a mental trigger to motivate me. I have tried planners and account books and all that crap before and I lose interest or just plain lose them in a day or two.
Well, what have I got to lose.

I'll let you know when I cross more chores off my list. Clearly I am currently procrastinating. At least I'm not playing the Wii.

Weekend of a Thousand Shoes

This is a follow up to a story that never ends. Some of you may remember that I have talked about this before as this phenomena is an absolute mystery to me. I'm talking about single, mate less shoes randomly discarded on public highways. HOW.... DOES..... THAT.... HAPPEN? Now, I thought that was an important question to ask. How does one lose A shoe? Well, I found out this weekend how one loses A shoe and now I think that the most important question may be WHY? I think we're finally getting somewhere.


Basically, Friday evening I was driving home and for once, the traffic was moving rather than sitting, when all of a sudden a large pick-up truck a few cars in front of me and one lane over chucked a black and blue shoe out the window.

It bounced along the road and was ran over twice before it was out of my line of sight.

How... strange.

I made a mental note, that people throw single shoes out of car windows and hey, who am I to judge. I'm sure there was a good reason? I don't know.
My next shoe encounter came Saturday morning. I had just returned from another frustrating workout at the RDV and was going to take the dogs for a well-deserved walk. As we were weaving in and out of the several cul-de-sacs in our apartment complex, I noticed a lonely dress shoe sitting next to a spilled soda at the curb. It was a nice shoe. The kind a man would wear to a wedding with a tux. There it was, sitting in a pile of caramelized Pepsi.... all alone. What did this shoe do that would have caused it to be abandoned? I just don't know. Was it the shoe's fault that the Pepsi spilled? DAMN YOU SHOE! ROT HERE FOR ALL ETERNITY WHILE I TAKE YOUR MATE AND GO HOME. People are damn weird.

Sunday rolls around. The final day of the weekend, the day that you are already mourning the loss of your freedom as Monday looms just around the corner. This is my final shoe experience. Coming home from a small grocery trip with Mike I saw something spring from the pavement, oh so slightly, as it was ran over by a minivan....
"ANOTHER SHOE!" I yelled. Mike insists that the shoe had been there for quite some time, but I am fairly convinced that I saw someone throw it out the window.... I think.... maybe?

What do people have against their shoes? Do I need to start some sort of non-profit organization. Seriously. What the hell.