Back to My Roots

Its been awhile since I have had the pure earthly joy of being a retail slave. I forgot how blindly stupid the general population is.
Here is a top ten list of stupid crap that customers come up with in their little mini-pea brains and then actually say out loud.
10. "Excuse me, can you give me a coupon?"
Where are these magic stores that give you a coupon for what you're buying? I don't know how they do it because if we had coupons to just randomly hand out, it would be a blood bath in there.
9. "The price tag says this is $19.99."
Is that a question? Thanks for the recap.
8. If an item doesn't scan: "Ha, ha, ha... it must be free!"
Yes, it must be. No one else has ever thought to say that before. Really. No one.
7. "Do napkins come free with the table cloth?"
Are they packaged in the same bag? Of course they don't. Moron.
6. "Is everything in the store 20% off?"
Wow, where the hell did you hatch that one?
5. "I left my coupon at home, can you give me one of yours?"
You mean the ones growing out of the top of my head? Sure, I'll just pluck one right off for ya.
4. "Are bath towels the same as bath sheets?"
No, notice how they have different names.
3. "Do you have a senior discount?"
No, we sell Linens and things, not pancakes and matinees.
2. "How much is ________"
Well, as I have memorized the exact price of every single, tiny, meaningless little item in the store, I can tell you without hesitation that it is $39.99 and your coupon is at home.
1. "Do you take checks?"
Do we have to? Isn't there some other way you can hold up the line?