Going into the Closet...

Out behind my apartment there is a little grassy area that I like to take the pugs. Its safe, there are no cars or roads for them to run out to... just grass and fire ants. The way Florida should be.
Well, last week, a nicely dressed man passed us on our way to the grass. I noticed that he looked as though he had just come from the office, but instead of going into an apartment, he unlocked one of the storage closets, and went in.
That's not that strange. Maybe he had to get something, right? Well, I must have stood there with my pugs for a good five minutes (Maya will hold it until she literally explodes, so this is a daily event.) After five minutes and the dogs had accomplished their "goals." We went back inside. The man never came out of the closet.

I didn't really think too much about it. Sure, its weird... but it was out of my mind as soon as it came... much like just about any other piece of information floating between my ears these days.

This evening, as I was going outside with Midas and Maya, I again passed the man I had seen the other day. Today he was wearing work out clothes and carrying a shiny pink bag stuffed with paper... like a gift. The dogs barked... I apologized, he laughed, and we went our separate ways. Sort of. I was standing with them in the grass preparing for the agonizing grass christening ritual, when I saw that once again, he unlocked and entered the storage closet. WHAT THE HELL?

This was truly weird. I wondered for a moment if I was mistaken and it was an apartment. No, that would be impossible, there is nothing on the other side of that wall.... it would literally be the world's smallest efficiency. I wondered if he needed a quiet place to read or something and didn't want to be bothered by... bugs? I really can't come up with anything that doesn't register just a little bit on the freakometer.

All of a sudden, from the opposite direction, a woman was walking back from the gym. You know the type, she feels that wearing anything more than hot pants and a sports bra would be bad for the ozone layer somehow her hair is swept up and curled as if she will be attending the prom... well... with Richard Simmons. Anyway. We didn't say anything to each other. She walked right past me and I could see her go into the same closet. The light was on inside. Then just as quickly the door shut and neither of them came out as long as I was outside.

Mmmm. Steamy Florida storage closet affairs. Fun for all.

Daaaaaannnnnggggg

Wow, its been a long freaking time since I have written anything. I wish I had a more interesting story, like I was taken hostage by a group of illiterate white rappers and forced to read them bedtime stories... but I wasn't and frankly, that didn't even make much sense.

So basically, for the one person who actually noticed my absense, a thousand thank yous bt the way, I'll try to give the short version of my life in the dark and fill you in on where I've been for... however long I was gone.

First off, 2007 being a trying year on my patience and on my soul, my grandmother had been in the hospital and ultimately ended up getting a pacemaker. To my joy, it has greatly increased her quality of life and things had been slowly getting back to normal for her. As my birthday approached, we decieded to take a trip to Michigan, home of the robin, the petosky stone, and inbred deer hunters... oh, and my family.

I'll recount the whole experience for you all later, including photos of course. In a nutshell, I would like to say that the whole thing was rather uneventful and relaxing, however, my grandfather took his turn at the table in the hospital, undergoing heart surgery.

He has recovered and is doing well so far, which I am thankful for. I am also thankful for the long and comfortable life my family dog, Beezer, had. She passed away this Monday, September 10 and it was certainly like losing a member of the family. She was a great dog and I miss her like crazy.

With all this going on, I still was hoping to stay remotely caught up at work-- a neccesity now that the circus of kidney stone repair bills have been parading through my mailbox. Just when I thought things were always just going to SUCK-- Mike started getting phone calls and several people were interested in hiring him.

Long story short, we are moving to Austin, Texas (yee haw!) the first week of October and I have to get packing.

I promise some laughs coming up real soon.
Thanks for standing by.

More southern fury

Two of my very close friends are getting married. Heartbroken that I couldn't attend their engagement party, Mike and I tried to find some great gifts for them on their registry. When everything was said an done, I checked the little box at the end of the online purchase form that said: "Ship packages together even if it takes longer." I also filled out a card with a little line that only they would understand.

I checked the package every couple of days to see how the order was progressing and to my dismay, I got an email stating: "Your packages have been shipped separately for your convenience."

Thanks. (Rolls eyes.)

The next blow came when they got the packages (separately of course) and neither had our card on it. This makes me really upset for two reasons. ONE: They then had to be put in the awkward position of asking people who it was from. Recently married myself, that's just not a fun thing to have to do. TWO: What if they didn't know we had sent it? They would have possibly had their feelings hurt thinking that we didn't think of them on their wedding.

I chose to spend my money with the culprit (TARGET!) over other registries they had AND I spent enough of it that I am just going to have to bitch about this. Knowing damn well that me writing a letter wasn't going to do a damn thing but relieve the swirling tornado of bad thoughts ripping through my brain as if it were a trailer park-- I wrote this:

Target floating heads:
I would just like to express my disappointment with your online
ordering system and my regrets that I will not be going to your store
for online purchases in the future.
My order was for around $200 after shipping and I checked a box that
specifically said that I wanted my items shipped together even if
that meant waiting longer.
Then, I received an email stating that for my "convenience" items
were shipped separately for faster shipping. At this point I just rolled
my eyes.
So, then when my items arrived, there was no card with it, putting
the bride and groom in the awkward position of having to ask around
to see who got them the gift and what is even worse, is the fact that
their feelings could have been hurt thinking that we didn't even
think of them when we infact chose to spend our money with you over the
other places they registered.
I am extremely unhappy with how this turned out and as a student just
out of college, spending that amount of money is more than just a drop
in the bucket and I expect my order to be treated more appropriately
and professionally. I will not be using your services in the future.
Thank you,
Jennifer Pavlovich

What's really funny about this, though, is that I'm already pissed off when I get this shit-can auto generated response. Take a read and tell me what's wrong with this picture:

Greetings from Target.com.

Shipping charges are an unavoidable part of using a mail-order
service, but we know that they can seem a nuisance. That's why we're
always working to keep our shipping costs as low as possible.

There are also a few things you can do to keep your shipping charges
down:

-Plan ahead: If you know you're going to need more than one item
from us, order them both at the same time instead of waiting until
you need each one. Shipping things together costs less than shipping
them separately.

-Be patient: If you have a little leeway in your schedule, choose
standard shipping instead of 1-day or 2-day. It takes longer, but it
costs less.

-Bundle up: When checking out, choose the "Group items into as few
shipments as possible" option. Some of your items may arrive a
little later than if you sent them separately, but reducing the
total number of packages is going to save you money.

Thanks for getting in touch with us. I hope you'll visit us again
soon.


Best regards,

Seraj

Target.com Guest Service

Wow. I really liked the third tip. THANKS TARGET.

Another Day with the Guatemalan Kit Car

You know how people say that groups of girls who work together or live together-- pretty much in close proximity most of the time-- get their periods at the same time? Well, did you know that the same is true for cars? Every time my car needs to go into the shop because its PMSing, Mike's car immediately follows suit and vice versa. Well, naturally, since I'm going on a long road trip next week, I wanted to take my car in for a tune-up to lessen the chance of any unnatural surprises while I'm 40 miles in to an 80 mile stretch of tumbleweeds and nothingness with two dogs and a car full of crap. Sensing this, Mike's brakes gave out. They seriously quit life. No signs, no symptoms, just GONE.

So we're stuck in that awkward position of not having a car. A rental car wasn't really an option because I needed to get the car in earlier than I could actually afford to pay for it since the trip is early next week and if they find anything wrong with it, they need time to actually work on it. With my account in the negative until payday, I couldn't exactly get myself a rental.

Well, thank God for my parents whose generous contribution to my financial mishap enabled me to take the car in AND get a rental. I took it in Thursday stressing very heavily that I needed the car back by no later than Monday morning because I was leaving to go out of town. They assured me that it would be looked at that morning.

So I got the world's ugliest little gas guzzler and was on my way.

Friday. 10:00am. Still no word from the car place.

I had to call the rental people and tell them that I would be keeping their Aveo for longer than anticipated and they weren't too concerned. I wouldn't be either. This car either came straight off an alien space craft or was manufactured by monkeys and little blind children in the deepest jungles of Guatemala. Its a very... very... odd car. Its the kind of car that induces a hearty pirate laugh from the deepest part of your gut-- as Mike did when he came outside to meet me on our way out for the evening. Yes, I took the little gas guzzler for a night out on the town since we had free tickets to a comedy club for us and 20 friends-- which by the way, was excellent. Its the best show I have seen to date and it was free! We saw Brian Bradley and it couldn't have been a better night-- even when the bums started following us down church street....

So anyway. Here we are and I still have the Guatemalan kit car. But at least its payday and all sort of financial emergencies are behind me-- barring any radical car surgery-- but that would be unexpected to say the least.
So if anyone sees a skinny, yet tall white vehicle whizzing down the road at a top speed of 45.... POSSIBLY leaking a trail of gas (where does it go so fast?!) its probably me and the Aveo.