A $600 Ass Kicking

Barring any unforseen circumstances, I imagine I'll make it home from work around 6:00pm Eastern time sooooo...... be sure to cast your eyes skyward and maybe you'll see Midas sailing through the sky with a big foot print on his ass.That little punk just cost us over $600. Admittedly, I KIND OF had an idea this was coming. It all started when we volunteered to watch our friend Jeanne's dog, Hurley. That dog is a pillar of obedience and the sweetest dog you'll ever know-- but just in case for Midas' safety, we split them up while we weren't home until we knew how they would get along. Well, Midas wasn't having that. Not while there was someone to play with just past his little baby gate, so the little bastard tried to dig his way to freedom and dug up our carpet all the way to the cement!As if that wasn't enough, he kept at it. It was like a game. Whenever we left after that, he'd rip through and eat some more of it. Finally we had to cover the whole area with a rug and then put a laundry basket and 25 pound drill case over top of it. Undetered, he moved on to the door at the bedroom and began to dig that up.So by the time we moved out of the Bentley, there were two giant holes in the carpet. We tried to fix it ourselves and it just didn't work out. So by the time we had to leave, the Bentley, we figured we'd cut our losses and sacrifice our deposit. We have a form that said that replacing a foot of carpet was a $70 charge so we were looking at a little over $200 and that was covered by the deposit. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. My mom told me that I was supposed to watch the mail for a package from my grandma. So when Mike told me I had a package in the mail yesterday I was all excited. As I looked more carefully at the package notice, I saw that it was from the Bentley and it was addressed to both of us. Immediately I wondered how they found us. I didn't leave any sort of forwarding address so visions of some FBI informant interrogating my grandmother over her famous ball park franks with cheese and 18 year old little debbies immediately began running through my head. I could picture her forcing the guy to leave with various canned sodas that have been in her fridge since 1987 and then calling my mom to tell her that I'd be getting a package in the mail....So anyway. I had nightmares all last night of how bad this "certified letter" was really going to be and the verdict is in. We owed $860.$73 was for a water bill that was supposed to come out of our deposit anyway.$10 was for the kitchen blinds. What? This window was the size of a box of wheat thins and there was NOTHING wrong with those blinds. Plus, I didn't clean any of the blinds so if any of them were messed up it would be the bigger ones, I would think.$700something for replacing the WHOLE carpet. Fine. I'll give them that. The carpet was a mess.Then there was some other charge I don't remember for the oven being dirty? Well, we replaced the burners and I cleaned around it but I didn't even use that thing. If its dirty its from pizza crumbs following out of the box I set on top of it. So after they deducted our deposit we owe $660. So like I said. Watch for beaten pugs.