Look Out Rachel Ray

Cooking is something new to me. My mom stopped letting me even chop vegetables in her kitchen after a certain incident where I tried to melt pink crayons into wax and ended up burying a sauce pan in the backyard....But that is neither here nor there.Anyhow, I am getting better, and I have been trying to cook meals 5-6 days a week. Its been going really well, I think. New things, however, always make me nervous. A good example of this was when my sister came to live with me and made popcorn, the kind popped in oil over the stove. I was actually really nervous to attempt such a feat myself, because, quite frankly, I don't have a backyard to bury a charred saucepan in anymore. I took the plunge, though and it all came out okay. It turns out that you don't have to buy popcorn in prepackaged little microwave bags! The difference is actually pretty amazing. So I mastered the whole popcorn thing.Then, my roomate Tasha, was trying to school me on how to make my own smoothies. She makes them and they are fabulous. Well, I took what she told me and decided to try it on my own while she was at work yesterday. I warned her that the kitchen and its cuisinart minions hate me, but she was so convinced that I could pull off this little task, that my confidence was renewed.I put in two tablespoons of yogurt. I added the pineapple juice and that's when I started to get nervous. She told me to fill it to the silver line and that it wasn't even a half a cup. But I had poured a whole cup and it was barely at the silver line. Looking closer I saw that it wasn't even half a LITER... maybe that's what she meant. So I added a cup and almost a half. Then the fruit. Frozen fruit. I have a blender that crushes ice, but this fruit would not crush. I tried to be patient, but then I decided screw patience and started mashing it with a spoon. I figured as long as I was careful, poking it with a spoon whilst blending would be safe enough.WRONG.I totally ground up a plastic spoon into the smoothie. AND the damn thing wasn't even that smooth.So, I am thinking I'm going to make my own cook-book. Cooking with shards of plastic and other unexplained lumpy phenomon that will give you indigestion.Maybe I'll get my own show. Why not? Tim Allen had one.