Monday, July 30, 2007

Casket Caverns

How does one come to own a cemetery? What would make you decide to bury people on your land? Sure, its probably good money, but Ehhhh. I was thinking about the logistics of cemeteries this weekend as I passed two of them on my way to, where else, the dog park. The first was called Oak Lawn Cemetery and the second Long Rest Cemetery. Seriously? Do you really want to give your death yard a kitchy name? Is that really in good taste? Florida is notorious for weird crap like that. I used to walk Midas on the outskirts of a cemetery that practically shared a plot line with my apartment complex and we always had to walk past the "baby garden," which, I'm sorry, is grotesque. Would it really kill these people to name the place like: "Willow Point" or something lame and generic? Hell, give it your last name. Ferguson's Cemetery. You really don't need a Baby Garden or a Midgit Schmorgasboard either. I'm pretty sure they could be buried with their family like the rest of us... may be. I know that when I die, I'm not particularly hoping for my very own plot in the Short, Fat, and Cranky Arboritum.

Leave it to Florida. Its like Adam Sandler's on-air game of Florida or Germany. If I end up being stuck here for all eternity maybe I'll acquire some land and start up my own cemetery called "Dirt Nap."

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