Sunday, February 24, 2008

And They're Going to Change the World?

2008. It's an unfortunate year for names when it comes to elections and the race to public office. At least out here it is. I'm going to go for the big guns first and run through our presidential hopefuls.
First off, there is Barack Hussein Obama. I still wake up every morning, stretch, and stumble out of bed thinking "Wow. We're going to elect someone president who is named Hussein Obama. Wow. Too bad there are no good bagel places in Georgetown." Trust me, no one knows better than me that a name is just that, but frankly, I'm no democrat, and more importantly, my maiden name was Anger. Everyone asked me "hehe, are you angry" as if they were the first ones to ever think that one up and you know what? I am angry. Possibly the most angry person in a ten mile area at any given time. So what does that say?
Okay, it probably doesn't say that Obama lives in caves and keeps terrorist blueprints in his underwear drawer but the fact remains that it probably does quietly strike a little chord in the hearts of all Americans that just says a single, barely audible: "yeesh."

Next there is Mike Huckabee. The fact that he did not campaign with banners, buttons, and t-shirts that said: "I Heart Hucakabee" is just a waste of brain power. Huckabee. Huckabeeeeee. Was this a character on a Nick-jr cartoon? Huckabee Hound?

Ron Paul. Don't get me wrong. I am a Ron Paul supporter... even though he has no chance of being elected president. How's that for dedication. But Ron Paul? He has two first names! Like Ricky Bobby! He should be in Nascar or starring in a movie with Will Farrell at the very least.

Hillary Clinton. What's wrong with Hillary Clinton? Don't get me started. But when it comes to her name, the only thing she really has costing her points is the fact that we already know it-- and the woman behind it. Wow, that was a little harsh. Really, I have nothing against her... I just don't want to see her in the Oval Office again. Hopefully this won't mean digging my eyeballs out of my sockets with a melon baller...

I think that about covers the big dogs. Now we come down to the little local election deals. Infact, I am willing to expand this category to not only poll candidates, but to anyone out here with a stupid sign on the side of the road displaying their name. That way I can include Jose Cuervo Real Estate. No embellishment needed.

The following names are littered along the central Texas highways. Enjoy:
Duty (sorry, in my head it sounds like Doody. Like poopy. I know, I'm five.)
Gattis (the name of a pizza conglomerate of sorts... possibly the owner-- could never think of this person and not think "extra mushrooms.")
Acock (again, I am five.)
Thomas Kincaid (shares the name with a man who does commercialized paintings that make old women swoon but are really not good.)
Gore and Kilgore (seriously.)
Daniel Boone
Jimmy Fallon
and Camille name a few.

Either way, be sure to get out there and vote, otherwise you'll have no one to blame when someone you don't like gets into office and your life either continues to suck or starts to suck at a more rapid pace.

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