Sunday, February 24, 2008

And They're Going to Change the World?

2008. It's an unfortunate year for names when it comes to elections and the race to public office. At least out here it is. I'm going to go for the big guns first and run through our presidential hopefuls.
First off, there is Barack Hussein Obama. I still wake up every morning, stretch, and stumble out of bed thinking "Wow. We're going to elect someone president who is named Hussein Obama. Wow. Too bad there are no good bagel places in Georgetown." Trust me, no one knows better than me that a name is just that, but frankly, I'm no democrat, and more importantly, my maiden name was Anger. Everyone asked me "hehe, are you angry" as if they were the first ones to ever think that one up and you know what? I am angry. Possibly the most angry person in a ten mile area at any given time. So what does that say?
Okay, it probably doesn't say that Obama lives in caves and keeps terrorist blueprints in his underwear drawer but the fact remains that it probably does quietly strike a little chord in the hearts of all Americans that just says a single, barely audible: "yeesh."

Next there is Mike Huckabee. The fact that he did not campaign with banners, buttons, and t-shirts that said: "I Heart Hucakabee" is just a waste of brain power. Huckabee. Huckabeeeeee. Was this a character on a Nick-jr cartoon? Huckabee Hound?

Ron Paul. Don't get me wrong. I am a Ron Paul supporter... even though he has no chance of being elected president. How's that for dedication. But Ron Paul? He has two first names! Like Ricky Bobby! He should be in Nascar or starring in a movie with Will Farrell at the very least.

Hillary Clinton. What's wrong with Hillary Clinton? Don't get me started. But when it comes to her name, the only thing she really has costing her points is the fact that we already know it-- and the woman behind it. Wow, that was a little harsh. Really, I have nothing against her... I just don't want to see her in the Oval Office again. Hopefully this won't mean digging my eyeballs out of my sockets with a melon baller...

I think that about covers the big dogs. Now we come down to the little local election deals. Infact, I am willing to expand this category to not only poll candidates, but to anyone out here with a stupid sign on the side of the road displaying their name. That way I can include Jose Cuervo Real Estate. No embellishment needed.

The following names are littered along the central Texas highways. Enjoy:
Duty (sorry, in my head it sounds like Doody. Like poopy. I know, I'm five.)
Gattis (the name of a pizza conglomerate of sorts... possibly the owner-- could never think of this person and not think "extra mushrooms.")
Acock (again, I am five.)
Thomas Kincaid (shares the name with a man who does commercialized paintings that make old women swoon but are really not good.)
Gore and Kilgore (seriously.)
Daniel Boone
Jimmy Fallon
and Camille name a few.

Either way, be sure to get out there and vote, otherwise you'll have no one to blame when someone you don't like gets into office and your life either continues to suck or starts to suck at a more rapid pace.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Oy with the Poodles Already.

My grandfather on my mother's side always used to say: "If you don't like dogs, you ain't no damn good." Or... something to that effect. If I said I believed that to be one of the single most definable traits in a person, that would probably raise many an eyebrow. I cannot, however, tell a lie. I'm not saying you have to love dogs to the extreme that I love mine-- in that not everyone has birthday presents for their dogs once a year and dainty leather flower collars... but if you think dogs are "icky" I don't see us buying matching friendship necklaces anytime soon.

Most of my days, as of late, have been filled with taking the dogs out to the dogpark for some excercise. My goal is to show up there at least once without someone pointing out the adorable little meatball or pointing to Maya and saying: "Wow, she's really round." Anyway, its not such a bad time for me either. Its some excercise walking around the grounds and dodging pecans (they are trying to kill me from above as well as the ground) and its also a nice place to sit and read school books while Maya eats sticks and Midas rolls in stink spots.

The park is pretty new, and already there are some regulars. There is another man who brings his two pugs and a lady that has a large poodle and a pug. A man with two Welsh Corgis (Midas hates this guy as much as Kate Winslett, I don't know why) a lady and her jack russell and another lady with a great dane that are often there when we are. One by one, Midas is training each dog to use me as their personal obstacle course. Its really very embarrassing.

When Midas is at the dog park he likes to run in long, wide, loops at top speed. Sometimes he'll do figure 8's but at some point during his laps, he always has to run between my legs. That's where he always ends up. A momma's boy to the core, he just wouldn't be comfortable anywhere else. Dog by dog, he is teaching everyone to do this. I'm not kidding, both the great dane, the grande sized poodle, and at least one other pug have taken to trying to wedge themselves between my legs in the course of their running. Be that as it may, I have yet to actually wipe out and land completely on my ass. This involves a lot of straddling and hopping and I am a little disturbed by the fact that this is viewed as an acceptable thing to dogs. It seems to amuse the other people enough, though. Maybe that has to do with the fact that, Giselle Bundchen, I am not. I could maybe hit 5'3" if heels were involved and at the dogpark, they certainly are not.

Aside from Midas, the one dog that I have to look out for every single time is the big poodle. That thing's head comes up to just below my chest. Can you picture it trying to use my legs as a tunnel? Its not pretty. I don't know what he gets out of it, but I usually end up feeling violated and at a loss for balance.

So anyway. I was just wondering if anyone else has these sorts of problems. No? I didn't think so.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Brad Pitt: Why I Couldn't Give a Shit

Here it is Sunday and I have had the opportunity to see a few movies this weekend. Inevitably, as I talk about said movies with friends of the female persuasion, the oohing and the ahhing and the gushing will ultimately consume the entire conversation at the very mention of the name: Brad Pitt.
Am I the only one who doesn't find him attractive in the least? Not only Mr. Pitt, but most male actors in general. I don't think any of them are all that great. Not Matt Damon, not Matthew not Ben Affleck... and definately not Brad Pitt. I have never been the type of girl who could get caught up in that fake crush garbage over Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake and I'm glad for that. I remember when I was in high school. I had befriended a girl who was absolutely convinced that Eddie Vedder was her man. The whole wife thing was barely a blemish on the fact that she was going to eventually marry him and have his nasty little babies. I think of that every now and then when a girl flips out over some guy in a movie. I think of my crazed high school friend that most likely carved the various combinations of her and his name into her arm.

Granted most girls who think Brad is just the cutest aren't sending away for locks of his hair in the mail, but I always wondered why it was that I wasn't impressed with the on-air male persona. Is it my lack of imagination or is it that sports heros are much better looking. I think it could be the latter. Anyway, it reminded me of this conversation I had about a year ago. I was at dinner with Mike and our close friend, Wayne. It was just after I had lost a job and was feeling borderline hysterical... but as usual, a good dinner with friends can do wonders. We were all making a list of our top five "celebrity crushes" and all of us were having a really hard time, but it was pretty darn funny. I actually went back and looked at the final list that I had left on a blog for Wayne and in just a year, I think I can make some changes for the better.

It is my hope that this list will make me a little more normal, a little less practical, and a little more... ehhhh. Retarded.
Anyway, here goes:

Jenny's list o' celebrity crushes:
1. Brett Favre-- football star
Seriously. Sports stars are the way to go. Forget those fruity actor boys.

2. Jeff Francoeur-- baseball star
The crazy wife person hanging on him is inconsequentional:

3. Scott Patterson-- baseball star TURNED actor
Now is a good time to point out that this list is not in any specific order:

4. John Cusack-- Actor
I'm talking Better Off Dead Cusack and NOT Being John Malkovich Cusack:

5. Michael Cera-- Actor
This one took some work. I normally go for older men... but for Michael Cera, I am 8 years his senior. Yikes:

6. Mark Ruffalo-- Actor
Since I was edging my way to junior high before Michael Cera could eat solid foods, I think I deserve a back-up. If Mark Ruffallo could just do a few more decent movies and promise to never attempt facial hair again, it would be okay:

There you have it. My five, plus one, list of non-Pitts that are worthy of the girly-girl attention. My absolute favorite, though, is this guy:

So hands off.
Last year's bumped candidates include:
David Schwimmer,

Jake Gylenhall,

Jonathon Crombie,

Andy Roddick,

and JJ Redick.
I could probably be convinced to keep Jonathon Crombie, but the rest are all so yesterday.
By the way that is Hurley with Mike in that picture. She is a neighbors dog and our very good buddy. She has a little crush on Mike as well!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day, Mike!

How I Met Mike:

1. Where did you meet?
8:00am naked drawing with Vicki Randall

2. What was the first thought that went through your head when you met?
He was just sitting there drawing and wearing a clown nose that he had gotten from F.E.W.S (more naked drawing.) No one mentioned it and I don't think he wanted anyone to either. He just felt like wearing a clown nose. I knew this was the man for me.

3. Do you remember what he/she was wearing?
Do I! He was wearing tear away work out pants a'la Dwayne Johnson, and a white T-shirt that I currently use as pajamas.

4. Where was the first time you kissed this person?
On our first date at my apartment. We don't believe in wasting any time.

5. How did he/she ask you out?
He didn't. He was really impressed that I was able to spell his name right being that I weighed eight pounds and had drank THREE WHOLE wine coolers.

6. Where did you go for your first date?
I ended up getting off of work a LOT later than inteded so we hung out at my apartment.

7.How long did you know this person before you became a couple?
we had a class together but talked online for a few weeks before dating.

8. Has this person ever proposed to you?
It was very romantic. We were at Chicago Uno and waiting forever for our food. He said: "when should we tell our parents that we're getting married?" There wasn't really a need to propose, it was pretty much just a fact.

9. Do you and this person have kids together?
two furry mongoloid children that like to pee in the closet.

10. Have you ever broken the law with this person?
I have nothing to do with his criminal activities.

11. When was the first time you realized that you liked this person?
It was always in the back of my mind, ever since the clown nose thing. But a few Bartels and James later and it came bubbling to the surface. We were immediately compatible.

12. Do you trust this person?
Yes. Though he sometimes takes advantage of that....

13. Do you see your partner in your future?

14. Whats the most expensive thing this person has given you?
several months to sit on my ass and complete my certification.

15. What is one thing he/she does that gets on ur nerves?
I can hear him pick up the phone but it takes him a good 10 count before he says; "hello?"

17. What is the thing you do that gets on his/her nerves?

18. How long have you been together?
like 6 years

19. Where do you see each other 15 years from now?
on Biggest Loser Couples Edition

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wheezing all the Way

Wow. I just took the stairs from floor one to floor two.

Who would like to do my eulogy?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Burkhauser-- From Toilet Crotch to Today

One of the great things about being here in Texas is that Mike's best friends are here. Not only is there MP who became super close to Mike in college and has gone on to BFF status since, but there are his two childhood friends Travis and Jason. Travis came down this weekend for a visit and brought with him a crap load of home movies that he had recompiled, edited, and done whatever else to them that made them loads of fun to watch. With minimal equipment they stayed up all night making commentaries to these old movies. Travis has actually won several film making awards for the footage that he shot, edited, and set to a soundtrack. Its actually really great! He's the kind of guy you want to see succeed because he is truly gifted at what he does-- he just needs some big budget equipment and all the time in the world.
I had the best time listening to their jokes and commentaries, and of course watching the videos.
Mike starred as Pete Burkhauser and Travis, himself, made many cameos with Jason and friends from their high school and people they know today. I LOVE how much fun Mike had seeing Travis and his wife, Lina, this weekend. I love even more that we're ALL here in Texas. Have I mentioned recently that I love Texas?

Anyway, here is a link to the youtube site to watch one of the videos. I'll embed it in this post later, I have to get the url, first. Enjoy!

P.S. I am married to the star-- and its not the guy with the cheeto mustache, either.

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