Sunday, January 27, 2008

Death Proof Saturday and Sherbet.

Tonight we made the trek out to downtown Austin for dinner at the ever popular Guerros from the movie Death Proof.

Yep, that would have been us standing there by that "No Parking" sign. Only instead of finding Stuntman Mike and his death proof car, there were space heaters and Mexicans selling girl scout cookies.

It was kind of exciting to be there as we recognized things from the movie and it was completely packed. We didn't have to wait too long before getting a table and the world's worst waiter.
Actually, let me back up for a second to make sure you can soak in every last detail of this excursion.
First off, we were told that the wait for a table would be a minimum of 45 minutes, which I am thinking may have been a scare tactic because we only waited twenty minutes at the most. At the time I was glad that we didn't decide to throw in the towel and go across the street to "Home Slice" pizza. Since we thought we would be waiting, Julie asked if I wanted to get a drink. So we tried to make our way over to the bar, but we had only gotten a few steps inside when I told her that it was NOT worth the trouble to get through the crowd. As I said this, some red headed psycho girl spun around like she was ready to throw her drink in my face and tells her friend: "Did you hear what she said?!" To which I responded to Julie that I would be fine without a drink and went back to wait outside as I apparently offended this drunk girl by not wanting to shove people to get to the bar where I would order a Dr. Pepper.
Outside was just as jammed as inside... but mainly because a group of 30 middle aged idiots wanted to stand around on the street infront of the restuarant with their doggy bags and see how much of a fire hazard they could cause.
We were then seated by a man, who as far as I can tell, had no penis. I say this because the guy was wearing the TIGHTEST jeans I have ever seen and there was NOTHING getting in his way. They weren't even a flattering tight kind of jeans, they were making it look like his legs couldn't possibly support the weight of his torso and head. And don't even get me started on this new trend where some men think its cool to dress like girls (tight pants, mascara, girly haircuts...) Its really very... gross.
Our waiter on the other hand, was all man and all ours. He was a little dirty. Tattoo ridden. He dropped the glasses of water on our table as if we offended him, right away sending Julie into a consumer rage. He finally showed up to take our actual drink orders and all we got for the whole table was a mixed drink for Pedro, and a Dr. Pepper for me.

Pedro got his mixed drink pretty quick but my Dr. Pepper was MIA for quite awhile.
Whenever the guy asked if we needed anything he would actually walk away before we could answer!!!! I'm not even exaggerating.
But the best, BEST part of this dinner was the food itself. Tastewise, it didn't suck. But that's the best I'm giving it.
We ordered nachos for an appetizer to split among the four of us. I want you to take this moment and ask you to conjure up in your brain an image of what nachos look like. Now let me tell you what we got.
We got three... count 'em, THREE, round chips with refried beans and cheese on them. I will point out, in fairness, that we didn't read the description of the nachos, we just assumed we knew what we were getting. Ooops.
I guess everything else was all right. The only other complaint I have is centered around my meal, I think everyone elses' went okay. I like to consider myself to be someone who isn't picky. I don't special order things. I don't ask for extra this or none of that, so when I ordered their famous tacos (burritos) and the waiter asked me if I wanted lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and sour cream, I said: "sure, that's fine."
To which he replied: "Sour cream?" and I said; "Um... yeah. That'll be good."
To my utter delight, I was greeted with a sour cream burrito. There was a teaspoon of meat and two ice cream scoop fulls of sour cream and that's it. It was pretty much the most disgusting thing I have experienced in my 27 years of being able to chew solid food. I wiped ALL the sour cream off and picked at the burrito thing a little but ultimately didn't eat it and still didn't complain. Not even when he asked to take our plates for us and then left empty handed before we could answer.

Despite dinner's obvious downside, we actually had a really good time and went back to the Pedro's to watch Fight Club. The Mikes had wanted to make some drinks so we had planned to stop at a liquor store, but to our surprise, every liquor store in the tri-county area was closed and it wasn't even 9:30. Again, not a drinker, but doesn't that seem like you're alienating some of your best clientele as a liquor purveyor? Do the drunks really come rolling in at 3:30pm or something? I swear to God, Texas is worth than Florida in some respects. It has all the quirks of living in death's waiting room, minus the Jeopardy marathons.

Just when I thought the night was over and nothing else could go wrong, I discovered two things.
1.) Strawberry Sherbert is nearly impossible to find. They have orange, lime, and rainbow. Hell, they even have pineapple and lifesave flavor, but strawberry? Nooooo.
2.) Did you know its called SHERBET? I have been calling it SHER-BERT! As in SHER-BERT and SHER-ERNIE. The entire fabric of my existence has unravelled. Its very sad. And yes, I do feel that picture of the Dr. Pepper can deserves that much space.

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