Friday, November 16, 2007

The Hummer of the Produce Aisle.

Have you ever experienced a densley packed highway at rush hour, where you creep along and sometimes it just seems like the bigger cars are taking more space than they probably deserve? You fight your way through traffic-- which lets face it, is a bloodsport-- to get to the grocery store and then you fight for a space in the same zipcode as the store you wish to visit. WAIT-- before you click away to some internet porn site because you've heard it all before-- I actually have something new to complain about! Sure the stores are just as crowded and personal space is at an all time low and I too am wondering what happened to the days where I could shut my brain off at the door and mindlessly wander about to find the things I need. There's nothing new there. What is fairly new are the Hum-Vs of shopping carts. Have you ever been trying to manuever through the produce section of the grocery store just to be blind-sided by a soccer mom pushing a cart big enough to hold all of the groceries a family of 6 could want and need AND two kids in a makeshift plastic, colorful vehicle. They now have little shopping dune buggies that can fit a family of 9 and they take up 2/3 of the aisle.

I know some people may be reading this and wondering what the crap I am talking about. Don't worry, I have been searching the vast void of the internet to find a picture-- but while I was looking, I found an article that someone else had written about this very same situation. So, lets take a look at what this mommy has to say and we'll see if we can get to the bottom of the problem here. Hmmm?

A grocery store is a mom's biggest nightmare. I would really like to know who designed the check-out aisles vs. the grocery carts. Some stores offer carts that seat more than one child. Great! You think, untill checkout time....

We are all aware that the evil candy companies strategically place candy at the check out. Right within a child's grasp. But why in the heck do they design carts that are too wide to fit down the check-out aisle? There you are, a screaming 5 month old, tantrum throwing 3 year old, cart full of groceries, and a skinny aisle that is impossible to navigate through.

Okay now. This woman is elated that there are stores out there that feature grocery carts that seat more than one kid... but she's furious that she now can't fit her super cart down the aisles. Exactly how many kids do you expect to stack in there and still be able to manuever through the store? I also think that there is a slight chance that grocery stores place impulse purchase items near the registers that have nothing to do with kids, shopping carts, or housewives. Maybe I just really have no idea, but I have from time to time seen well behaved kids? I mean, if you can train dogs, can't you train kids?

Anyway, the point is that these monster shopping carts are a menace to everyone around. Combine this with the motorized carts for the elderly or just plain overweight individuals and your average consumer doesn't stand a chance.

Below is a picture of a shopping cart cover. No wonder kids today grow up as weak, pathetic, puffballs.

Here's another one. Suck it all in:


As is this:

and this:

And do you know that some of these monstrositys come with LCD TVs in them?

Now, I am not a parent and therefore have no idea what its really like... but if your kid isn't entertained for every single waking moment of his or her life will they just spontaneously explode or something? What happens when this same kid who can't not grab candy and throw cigarettes all over doesn't want to leave his Cart O' Joy?

And what about seatbelts? How long will we have to wait before housewives get into head on collisions? Do these things need insurance? Hey, I'm just waiting for the first lawsuit. I'm taking bets right now as to whether it comes before or after some disaster with the "roller shoes."

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