Saturday, December 29, 2007

Survey Says...

1. Will you be looking for a new job in 2008?
Why yes! At some point I do plan to be something other than an unemployed housewife or minimum wage customer service bufoon at the local Linen's and Shit.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
The only new relationship I could be in the market for would be a third pug. His name will be Ruhne and he'll be a rescue... and I haven't completely convinced Mike that his existence in our house is completely relavent yet.... I may be baking a lot soon....

3. New house?
Probably not this year since I still have school to finish up-- but the idea is always there. Either way, I'm sure we'll be hoarding our pennies like little crazed squirrels.

4. What will you do differently in 08?
Ahhhh. A very deep question. Lets take a look at a few things that went awry in '07 before answering that one.
1. I won't work for a place that clearly has no work coming in the door-- yet assures me that its coming. Really. Soon. They swear.
2. I will get a flu shot and possibly develop a neurotic hand washing complex.
3. I will avoid casinos.
4. I will not have roomates in any form that are not bound to me by the laws of Holy Matrimony, or dependent upon me to fill little silver bowls with food and water each day.
5. I will not live in an apartment. At least not one in Florida. At least not one in the parking lot of a Wendy's and at least not one with rent that would far outweigh a mortgage.
6. I will suffer through the next kidney stone with dignity, huddled on the floor of my bathroom in tears. Who needs hospital bills.
7. I will finish my schooling and continue forward on the old pay scale-- on a path that does not involve FCATs, state standards, adoption processes, or the molding of children's minds in any way, shape, or form.
8. I will suck it up and hire movers.
9. I will never again eat breakfast at Burger King.
10. I will no longer take anti-anxiety medication when there are world's of furry pugs just waiting to calm me down with their weird little alien noises.

5. New Years resolution?
For once I can say that I plan to continue in the direction I am headed. It appears to be working so far.

6. What will you not be doing in 08?
Customer Service.

7. Any trips planned?
I am going to Maine for my second anniversary. Let me just tell you that the Maine Office of Tourism-- not a bunch of A students.

8. Wedding plans?
I plan to not only be at my cousin's wedding in September, but to get them a kick ass gift.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
Italian phrases and cultural trivia. I am that boring, yes.

10. What cant you wait for?
My trip to Maine and finishing my certification.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I really need to get back to my swimming before I forget how, sink, and die.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
I probably have a few more bad haircuts in store for me before my hair grows out last year's inappropriate color choices.

13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Wow. I don't even know where to begin with that one. It would have to probably be the time that I got fired for "not having work to do" at a job that "wasn't getting work in at the moment." That was one for the ol' scrapbook. This photo is actually a screen capture for their website. Feel free to give me the credit for the "Dogs" book as I did that for another company and they had nothing to do with it. If they weren't out of business now, I would be more upset.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I think you will find that I am nice enough. Loser.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
Well, shucks. As my reigning status of unemployment begins again in the coming weeks, I do believe that shopping at Wal-Mart will be in my future. So no.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
I'm currently drinking orange juice. I plan to finish it soon.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
We are currently in a competition to see who can go the longest without visiting who.

18. Will you do charity work?
most likely

19. Will you go to the bars?
Not on purpose.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I currently view people I don't know as germ receptacles-- one of which has given me a cold. This doesn't bode well for the niceness. Thanks for asking, though.

21. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
I want so badly for it to NOT suck as bad as last year that now I'll probably obsess over it and every little thing that goes wrong will be catastrophic to my continued will to live.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
I don't know that I personally have changed, but my life has and its a lot better now.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
having a child do what?

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I would imagine so. Otherwise, I have a lot of board games that would go to waste.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
I will be certified in several areas of my career that will enable me to earn far more money than you. I'll have Robin Leach tell you the rest.

26. Will you be moving?
I am living in a house that is for sale, so I suppose that is a possibility.

27. What will you make sure will not happen on '08 that did in '07?
I don't know, pick someting.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I have really never liked New Years for some reason. This whole time of year sucks. All that Christmas anticipation is gone and it feels like you have nothing to look forward too. I used to get Chinese food with my mom... but since moving away I usually stay home with my husband, drink hot chocolate, and pout. It suits me well.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
chances are, I'll be asleep at midnight, dreaming that I don't act like I'm 78 years old.

30. One wish for 08?
I have a few but right now, my greatest wish is to spread survey joy to all of cyberspace.

The Endless Road to Wellness

Its one thing to be sick. Its a WHOLE other ball game when you start to get better. With my sleeping cycle bitterly out of whack, I finally turned the television off at about 3:35am-- approximately 12 hours from the time in which I woke up this morning... ehhh... afternoon. I wasn't tired yet. I could breathe. I could breatheeeee..... faint smells could be noticed. I laid there thinking about how the room smelled like sick. The sheets on the bed were new but felt dirty. I smelled dirty laundry... stacks of dishes, stinky dogs. Very faint smells. I felt dirty. The "I've been wearing pajamas and glasses for three days" dirty, even though I had just showered earlier. I wondered if I would still wake up tomorrow with such a cleaning initiative.
Either way, it was 4:30 in the morning and I had already been lying awake for an hour. I HAD to sleep.
Dogs in place toasting feet and cuddled adoringly at my side.
Pillows in place, propped up incase the snots came back, yet still comfortable.
Hot, hot, hot.

I got up and stumbled into the hall and checked the thermostat. 81. Ahhh. This is much cooler than the balmy 85 that Mike had cranked it up to earlier. I'm beginning to wonder if he doesn't possibly have malaria or typhoid fever or something. Its obviously much more traumatic than a cold...

I turned the temperature down. Got some water.
Back to bed.
Dogs in place.
Pillows in place.
Shorts have replaced pajama pants.
Ahhhh. Time to sleep.

Then the snoring begins. This is amazing to me as this man I married doesn't ever snore if the TV is on. Its the moment that I turn off the TV that he begins his communication with the dead. I can't leave on the tv because I need quiet!
I laid there wondering if it was possible that I could just somehow will myself to shut it out.



I am stumbling through the dark yet again to find the earplugs I just bought.
Back to bed.
Dogs in place.
Pillows in place.
Shorts replacing pants.
Earplugs jammed into skull.

Ready to sleep now. Silence.
Then slowly, the snoring sound begins to grow again. I have never, never heard him snore through ear plugs before.
I repositioned them... as if it would make a difference.

Finally, I yanked one out of my ear and turned on my side for a better look. Was this really my husband, or had a giant Yak slipped into my bedroom and decided to give birth on his side of the bed?

Step one. Peal the pillow from his face. Clearly he can't breathe, yet he has a pillow jammed up his nostrils. Step two shake gently.
"Um, excuse me, would you like some nasal spray? Cold Medicine? A Breathe Right Strip?"

No, of course not. What was I thinking.

I hope that there is no real danger of brain damage here as he is clearly not getting (and happy about it) oxygen.

5:30. I am envisioning lights turning on in neighborhood houses as now even the dogs are giving him mournful glances. I've known garbage trucks to make less noise.

There is no chance I'm sleeping. At all. EVER. With or without earplugs.
With or without pants and an indoor temperature that would rival a Jamaican beach.

So I got up to take a shower. Next I think I'll do some laundry and some dishes. I don't have to worry about waking him, as he can apparently sleep through anything.

Tomorrow night, I'm trying duct tape and as I have been writing this, the dogs have relocated OUT of the bedroom.
Thank you and Good night.

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