I go through periods of time where I cling desperately to anything from the past. Friends lost, places, sounds, smells that are no longer a part of my life. I always attributed this smallish compulsion that sprang up occassionaly, to the amount of times I moved as a kid. It feels like I have lived several small lives. Lately, I have been thinking about times spent with my grandparents. My grandma used to take care of my sister and I during summers and sometimes I feel like I took those times for granted. I know I did as I was a teenager and I hated when they would come to stay with us while my parents were house hunting in other states. I would challenge everything they said or did and I can't imagine how they put up with me.
This past November when I was home, my grandpa was excited to take us to the casino. He had been looking forward to it for almost a year and we were finally all there. We hadn't been there for too long when he collapsed.
He's fine now, but that was a real turning point for me. Aside from the heartbreak of going home in yearly intervals and seeing people you love get older in fast forward, this was a real sign that the life I always knew and the things I always expect are coming to an end and things are going away. Morbid as it sounds, I probably don't have too long left with my grandparents and I simply can't imagine not seeing them at holidays... not ever going to grandma's house. I can't explain what a loss it would be to lose one of them.
Such is life, though. I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that my grandfather may not have too much longer with us. I have made every effort to come home and see him when I can... not an easy feat when the airlines are in the wallet raping business... I know I'll never be prepared if something happens, but I was really caught off guard when I found out that my grandma was hospitalized this week with a yet to be determined condition.
It struck me that it wasn't until the past few years that I have really, REALLY been thankful for my family- for who they were and what I am to them. Wiser with age, I suppose. Its just a shame that I was so ignorant as a kid that it never occured to me to value the people I love as they should be. As a kid you never imagine that you won't see them whenever you want. It makes me feel so old... when did I get old?
As I write this, my grandma is having a test done on her heart so your prayers for her safe return to health would be greatly appreciated.
I hope to lift the somber tone of these latest entries, hopefully this weekend will bring back some laughs.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Matters of the Heart
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1 comment:
Jenny,
I am sorry to hear about your Grandma and will pray for her...things to do to cheer yourself up...hmm...? Maybe attack a co-workers car with "Potted Meat," and popcorn (spelling their name with potted meat on windows is very important to self enjoyment). Go into shopping stores and use the electronic cart thing usually saved for the elderly...find an older person and race them...odds are you will win. Call people and ask them if "Consuela is there," keep calling the same number, then after calling about 6 times, call back and say, "This is Consuela are there any messages?" And lastly, my favorite, dress in an obnoxious outfit, go to the groccery store and sing or hum (if you are shy) as loudly as you can the theme song to the A Team, and make sure to make phone calls to your friends, referring to them as B.A. Barrackus, and asking them if they still "pity the fool..."
I have made myself smile...I think I will make a post on my blog of things to cheer yourself up. :)
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