Sunday, December 9, 2007

Back to My Roots

Its been awhile since I have had the pure earthly joy of being a retail slave. I forgot how blindly stupid the general population is.
Here is a top ten list of stupid crap that customers come up with in their little mini-pea brains and then actually say out loud.
10. "Excuse me, can you give me a coupon?"
Where are these magic stores that give you a coupon for what you're buying? I don't know how they do it because if we had coupons to just randomly hand out, it would be a blood bath in there.
9. "The price tag says this is $19.99."
Is that a question? Thanks for the recap.
8. If an item doesn't scan: "Ha, ha, ha... it must be free!"
Yes, it must be. No one else has ever thought to say that before. Really. No one.
7. "Do napkins come free with the table cloth?"
Are they packaged in the same bag? Of course they don't. Moron.
6. "Is everything in the store 20% off?"
Wow, where the hell did you hatch that one?
5. "I left my coupon at home, can you give me one of yours?"
You mean the ones growing out of the top of my head? Sure, I'll just pluck one right off for ya.
4. "Are bath towels the same as bath sheets?"
No, notice how they have different names.
3. "Do you have a senior discount?"
No, we sell Linens and things, not pancakes and matinees.
2. "How much is ________"
Well, as I have memorized the exact price of every single, tiny, meaningless little item in the store, I can tell you without hesitation that it is $39.99 and your coupon is at home.
1. "Do you take checks?"
Do we have to? Isn't there some other way you can hold up the line?


Monster Library Student said...

And never forget working with the public at F Cinema... "I'll take two tickets for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

"Yes, Ma'am, 1968 coming right up!!!"

I went to the cinema this weekend with my Mom and Sis...yep, still a dive, just under new mamangement!

JennPav said...

"I'll take two for Air Bud One... That's the one where the dog takes over the plane, right?"

Jess said...

Ewww.... I have empathy for you. I have had to joy of working retail at Christmas and know how much it sucks. Just punch someone, I won't tell. Those lines, so true but funny. I love the one about "isn't everything 20% off?" I used to get that all of the time at JC Penney. They would argue with me that they saw it in an ad, I'd pull out the ad, prove them wrong, and they'd still argue.

Lissy said...

when are we getting the 12 days of xmas rant?? i thought this was a yearly thing!

maybe a top 12 shit list of this year!

the anticipation is killing me.

i have gas.

Kim said...

This is the most hilarious thing I've seen in a while. Either I don't get out enough or you have to have been a retail slave to appreciate it. I think it's great! haha!

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