The blurred line.

I have managed to set my alarm for the last week and a half to go off at 6:30 and then again at 7:00. I moved it across the room so I had to get up, bend over, pick it up, and mash at it with my hands to shut it off.

I'm awake at this point, yes?

No.

Anyway, so I haven't gotten up once and have had to go to the gym at night. Except Sunday I didn't go. We were really busy all day and I'm pretty sure I got in some moderate excercise anyway. Monday I didn't go because I had missed a dose of some medicine and wasn't feeling good. TODAY. Today I was feeling it. I was ready to go. Visualizing all the calories I would burn, tomorrows BL weigh in didn't seem like a big deal. Except my eye had been bugging me all day and I wanted to take care of that before heading out.

Well, when I opened my eye really wide to look in the mirror, my contact freaking disintegrated. One half fell right out of my eye and the other half curled out and stuck to my eyelash. Can you tell me how in the HELL that happens?

OH WAIT. Now it all makes sense. You see, As of August first, I am covered 100% through my work benefits for vision care and I can't get new contacts until I have my yearly eye exam. So I had to kind of stretch out this last pair of contacts that I had a few extra days. Somewhere evil little elves are laughing at me. So I have an appointment on Saturday to get new ones and have my exam and I'll pay for it and its no big deal. Its just the point that I'm SO close to saving some money. But NOOOOOO. Also, I can't possibly work out this week with glasses. I am blind as a bat and I couldn't swim without them. I would get so seasick. I can't really do the treadmill either because when I get hot and start sweating, they steam up and on top of not being able to see, I look like a baked ass.

I am becoming more a fan of the laser surgery option by day. Lets take a little quiz, shall we?

Which of the following has happened to me since I began wearing contacts in the year 1998:
A. While laughing hysterically at a joke made by one, Jennifer Schillenger, I rounded off our evening of tall cakes and laughs at Ruby Tuesday with the cinema crew by somehow stabbing myself in the cornea with a drinking straw.
B. You know how when you're coming to the end of your deodorant stick, the remaining little cake of anti stink sometimes falls off if you twist too far? Well, it fell onto the dresser and I picked it up and threw it out. Somehow a microscopic piece remained in my open contact case and proceeded to deodorize my eyeball- a burning sensation like you will never know.
C. While putting in the first contact of the morning, it fell to the ground and was never located. I broke out a new set only to discover that evening as I was removing my shoes after work, that it had cemented itself to my sock and was dry and crunchy inside my shoe, still clinging lifelessly to the sock.
D. All of the above. All of the freaking above.

The answer is D. Did you seriously not see that coming?