Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Endless Road to Wellness

Its one thing to be sick. Its a WHOLE other ball game when you start to get better. With my sleeping cycle bitterly out of whack, I finally turned the television off at about 3:35am-- approximately 12 hours from the time in which I woke up this morning... ehhh... afternoon. I wasn't tired yet. I could breathe. I could breatheeeee..... faint smells could be noticed. I laid there thinking about how the room smelled like sick. The sheets on the bed were new but felt dirty. I smelled dirty laundry... stacks of dishes, stinky dogs. Very faint smells. I felt dirty. The "I've been wearing pajamas and glasses for three days" dirty, even though I had just showered earlier. I wondered if I would still wake up tomorrow with such a cleaning initiative.
Either way, it was 4:30 in the morning and I had already been lying awake for an hour. I HAD to sleep.
Dogs in place toasting feet and cuddled adoringly at my side.
Pillows in place, propped up incase the snots came back, yet still comfortable.
Hot, hot, hot.

I got up and stumbled into the hall and checked the thermostat. 81. Ahhh. This is much cooler than the balmy 85 that Mike had cranked it up to earlier. I'm beginning to wonder if he doesn't possibly have malaria or typhoid fever or something. Its obviously much more traumatic than a cold...

I turned the temperature down. Got some water.
Back to bed.
Dogs in place.
Pillows in place.
Shorts have replaced pajama pants.
Ahhhh. Time to sleep.

Then the snoring begins. This is amazing to me as this man I married doesn't ever snore if the TV is on. Its the moment that I turn off the TV that he begins his communication with the dead. I can't leave on the tv because I need quiet!
I laid there wondering if it was possible that I could just somehow will myself to shut it out.



I am stumbling through the dark yet again to find the earplugs I just bought.
Back to bed.
Dogs in place.
Pillows in place.
Shorts replacing pants.
Earplugs jammed into skull.

Ready to sleep now. Silence.
Then slowly, the snoring sound begins to grow again. I have never, never heard him snore through ear plugs before.
I repositioned them... as if it would make a difference.

Finally, I yanked one out of my ear and turned on my side for a better look. Was this really my husband, or had a giant Yak slipped into my bedroom and decided to give birth on his side of the bed?

Step one. Peal the pillow from his face. Clearly he can't breathe, yet he has a pillow jammed up his nostrils. Step two shake gently.
"Um, excuse me, would you like some nasal spray? Cold Medicine? A Breathe Right Strip?"

No, of course not. What was I thinking.

I hope that there is no real danger of brain damage here as he is clearly not getting (and happy about it) oxygen.

5:30. I am envisioning lights turning on in neighborhood houses as now even the dogs are giving him mournful glances. I've known garbage trucks to make less noise.

There is no chance I'm sleeping. At all. EVER. With or without earplugs.
With or without pants and an indoor temperature that would rival a Jamaican beach.

So I got up to take a shower. Next I think I'll do some laundry and some dishes. I don't have to worry about waking him, as he can apparently sleep through anything.

Tomorrow night, I'm trying duct tape and as I have been writing this, the dogs have relocated OUT of the bedroom.
Thank you and Good night.

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