Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Thumb-Sucking Litterer

I never understood the mentality of someone who could just litter. How could you just toss something on the ground and walk away? I feel guilty for dropping something, for God's sake. I guess its the same mind-set that makes people think its okay to leave their piles of garbage on the seats, floors, and in the cup-holders at the movies. Someone else will clean it up, right?

As if that weren't bad enough, I actually ran into someone who is a truly trying to be an all-around parasite on the planet earth and making brilliant strides in doing so. I was pulling up to one of Georgetown's many 7 minute stop-lights where you sit in long lines and watch tumbleweeds blow past the intersection and something was catching the light in the corner of my eye. It was a van in the lane next to me where a girl, about my age... who I can only assume can't catch a football... had rolled down the window about halfway and was stuffing mounds of trash out onto the road. Cups, fast food bags, and God knows what else were all raining from her window. As she stuffed the last piece out, she settled back into her seat, stuck her thumb into her mouth, and went to town on that baby like it was a trumpet in a jazz band.

Mesmorized by this, she noticed I was looking over at her. I don't think I was leering, and despite my fantasies of rubbing her nose in her garbage mess like a dog, I wasn't giving the stink eye or anything (a look which I have perfected, by the way) I was just looking in that direction.... at the thumb sucking litterer.

Well, stink eye or no stink eye, the fact that I had been looking over there at all was enough to send her into a rage that involved a whole other finger. She started screaming random swear words at me in Spanish and flicking me off, hanging out the window like she was going to somehow REALLY make a point that way. Either way, a reaction was required somehow. I could have been mature and ignored it. I could have started screaming back, though, chances are, I don't want to mess with someone who is tough enough to suck their thumb in public. Anyway, I could have been the bigger person... but I wasn't. Instead, I gestered to myself as if saying: "Me?" and then wiped a fake tear from my eye... which sent her straight over the edge.

Of course, now, all of the turtles had finished crossing the road and the light was green. So I drove away and she continued to sit in the intersection shaking her middle finger at me... or drying her thumb in the wind, something like that.

But as I drove away, I couldn't help but wonder:
First of all, I didn't confront her.
I didn't point and laugh.
I didn't make a snotty face.
As far as I can see, I didn't really do anything that warranted being called a dirty pirate hooker (maybe not exactly what she said) and I'm not even sorry that I caught the thumb-sucking hour in the low-life van. It made my day a little more interesting.
But I guess the whole thing was pretty interesting for her too.
I swear, I couldn't make this crap up. What a world.


Kim said...

Wow! How does all this cool stuff happen to you? NOTHING interesting happens here! Maybe I just need to look into people's cars more. I'm just afraid I'll be witness to a nose-picking episode. The mental image of you wiping the fake tear made me laugh. That's hilarious!

cassiejohanna said...

Hilarious! You have the best stories. I was seriously laughing out loud on this one. Glad to see you're posting again!

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