Saturday, June 2, 2007

Are you a Workout Warrior?

Its Monday and there's no place to park at the gym. Why? Well, because its Monday and the workout warriors are here. They have spent the weekend guzzling beer and eating extra buttered popcorn and have absolutely vowed that this week, YES, THIS WEEK... and starting TODAY (ahem... Monday) THEY WILL CHANGE THEIR LIVES!!!
And it does. All the way until Wednesday. In all fairness, I have fallen victim to this attitude before too, but I would never say that I was a monday workout warrior with all the conviction in the world packed into only one... maybe two days. On the contrary, I plan to go to the gym everyday, that way when I miss a day or two I don't have to call out a search party for my motivation. AND I work my ass off at the gym. Granted, its not pretty, but... that's why I'm there.
Some people are there for a whole other reason. These are what I have heard called the club sluts. They are a whole other breed of annoyance. First off, don't get me wrong. There are some beautiful girls at my gym who are serious about their health and serious about working out. They deserve the parking spaces that they take up. The girls I am talking about are usually high school or early college girls. They are very funny because they show up to the gym wearing something that is not so much comfortable as it is tight and sparkely. Usually they are the girls with "hottie" written across their ass and their thongs coming out the top of their shorts. Or they are wearing visors and little tennis skirts and always, always, their hair is done and they are wearing makeup. What is so funny about this (because I fully support my single gals going to pick up guys at the gym instead of Club Heat) is that usually they are surrounded by old people who are just trying to get into good enough shape to walk to the mailbox, fat housewives, corporate fatties, and those skeezy ratty men. You know who I am talking about. Anyway, today one of the club sluts was directly in front of me on the eliptical machine and totally shaking her ass from side to side... I don't even know what the hell she was doing. Me and the girl next to me were like "is she hitting on us?" it was funny in a "throw up in your mouth a little" kind of way. So club sluts, take it down a notch, okay?
But anyway... what was I saying? Oh yes... People. I have no place to park at the gym on Mondays. I realize that its probably a lot of people just like me who go to work and pork out at cool restaurants on their lunch break and then go out for drinks afterwards and then are riddled with guilt and want to maybe kind of attempt to shed some of the ridiculous weight that they have gained working for "the man." Buuuuuut.... I would so much rather blame the fat housewives. Why? because they freaking drive minivans. Because Oprah motivated them to do some crunches in between picking up special order happy meals for their 13 kids and causing traffic jams. And now they are taking all the good parking spaces because they are the Monday Workout Warriors. That's okay. By Wednesday everything will be back to normal.... until next monday. OH and P.S. Did anyone even read all of this?

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