Saturday, June 2, 2007

Thanks, Library Nazi.

That about sums up my day: "Thanks, library nazi."
So can anyone tell me what the big flipping deal is about library cards? I have always been asked where I live when I get a library card somewhere new and I have always had the presence of mind to lie so that I could get a Hartland library card, even though I live in Fenton-- or a Bradenton library card even though I live in Sarasota. That's how I'm able to lose the most library books. And don't even get me STARTED on Blockbuster video.
So anyway. No one has ever actually made me provide proof of residence until today. I was trying to get a library card at the Winter Park library, where I work and she asked to see a copy of my driver's license which has my lake mary address and I live in Orlando. So I can see this is going to be a fight. Not to mention, I kind of was concerned that she would take my license and run it through the system and I would have to find out that there was a warrant out for my arrest and that I am wanted dead or alive by the National Library Maffia. Which, you know what? I don't even see what the problem is. My library fines alone built a whole new wing of the Selby library in Sarasota. They should LOVE to have me for a patron. They should be thanking their lucky stars and building statues in my honor. But NOOOOO. She asks again to see my ID to which I answered: "Well, I'm getting this for work" and hand her a business card. She slides it back across the counter and says that I need to have legal document stating my residence is in Winter Park.
What in the heck is the deal with library cards. Since when has it become a bureaucratic mess of paperwork and legal documentation. Are there really a lot of sinister happenings going on with library books? Really?

On another note, the one thing that did cheer me up today was a housewife looking stupid. I'm very used to the extremely wealthy, manicured Winter Park housewives lining the streets of Winter Park with their Prada and their Gucci and their 3.2 kids and one of the things they do that irritates the CRAP out of me is decide to let their two year old toddle themselves across the street instead of carrying them. So it takes between seven and ten minutes for them to cross the street and meanwhile the traffic on park ave backs up RIDICULOUSLY. Well today, one such lady sets her "not old enough to walk" child down and grabs its hand. They begin to Sllloooowwwlllyyy shuffle along and the kid goes down and starts SCREAMING. This is funny because when the kid goes down, Mom's 6 inch stilleto day heels give out and she goes down too. Ah. It was beautiful. Its like all a sudden reality strikes and she has to quickly scoop up baby, $600 shoes, and yogurt covered rasin treat that baby scattered onto the ground while trying to eat and walk. Both of which were unsuccessful projects to ask a two year old to perform at the same time. It was beautifully hillarious. As a side note, if you're a house wife, do you really need to wear spiky heels when you're out shopping with the kids on a cobblestone street? Really? Do you? Meh. What do I know. I am lucky if my shoes match my clothes and if my clothes don't make me look like a retarded hippo. Maybe I can make some kind of new years resolution to help me out or something. Da dunno.So the moral of the story is:I have no library card and no nice shoes.

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