I finally went back to the gym. For so many reasons, I thought it was going to be completely horrible. My first fear was that my stitches were going to get completely irritated and that I would have to curl up in a ball and cry in front of all the skinny girls. My second fear was that I would Stay Puft my way up to a treadmill, put it on the first setting and promptly melt into a pile of mushy, buttery goo as my heart exploded and my muscles collapsed. My third fear was that I would be wheezing it up in the middle of a row of swedish bikini models who would of course be TRYING to excercise but kept having to swallow back lumps of puke at the hideousness that would dare befowl their gym.This may have possibly been me being just a little too hard on myself. Granted, I no longer can go for months at a time without eating real food and I can no longer wear a size zero jeans.... but I'm not exactly to the point where I need a motorized cart to get around and since I have been working out regularly for a few years now, I am actually in much better shape then a lot of people around me whether I look it or not. So going to the gym for the first time in months was not as earth shattering as I had imagined. Let me break it down for you because I know that you're dying to know.Well. I planned to go in the morning. But one thing my fat ass is never going to do, is get up a second earlier than absolutely neccessary. I thank my dad for this gene. So yeah. That didn't happen. And of course, I was rushing as usual so I grab all my clothes and wad them up into a ball and throw them in a pile in my backseat. At least I made it to the gym at all.... even if it was after work. So I go in there and its an uphill walk (very tricky RDV, very tricky) and I get about 10 feet from the check in when I realize that I have left my card in the car. SO.... all the way back to the car.... and all the way back up the hill and I was thinking: "okay. I've had my workout. Time to head home." But I went in anyway. I'm still not at a point where I can lift weights, but I was hoping a good cardio workout would be no problem. Fortunately I wasn't in any pain really, at all. A big relief. My next big relief was that there were several other heffers pounding away at the treadmills too. I'm talking the kind of lumpy women that you could rest serving trays on their ass. At least I can rest a little easy in knowing that I can look down and see my feet. So that was reassuring. I am used to going to an all girls' gym with a bunch of fat housewives... this gym is a bunch of athletes and a handful of fatties. So its more nerve-racking, trust me.The last thing that I was really concerned about then, was that it would be like starting over. I was pretty proud of myself in the past because I had pretty good endurance and I've always been pretty strong. I have no idea what the weight trainging is going to be like when I start that again, but as far as cardio, I took it a little slower and a little less steep to start, but I think I'll be back to the old me again in no time. I just can't wait for the pain of "recovery" to be over so that I can look back on all this and just be relieved. Oh and maybe someday I'll wear those size zero jeans... but it certainly won't be to impress anyone who thinks that I am not a worthy person because I gained weight for whatever reason. It will be so that I can be a judgemental asshole and look down on everyone else and have no class and no tact. Suh-weet.