Saturday, June 2, 2007

Feeling Bad for the Thumb.

I am sitting here having this deep philosophical moment. I'm listening to this InDesign tutorial that I got my hands on, to see if there is anything that I don't already know to expand my knowledge and power.... and I just can't sit still. So I'm always taking my wedding ring and moving it from one finger to the other and back again. I don't know why. If I wasn't doing that, I would be messing with my hair or biting my nails or something else fidgety and unattractive. Anyway, I noticed that the ring fits just about the same on my thumb as it does on my ring finger. That's weird because my thumb is like the DUFF of the finger family, you know, the designated fat, ugly friend. Its shorter than the others and therefore looks chubbier. Now, how is that fair? Its actually the same circumfrence as my ring finger which looks soooo much better in the ring. Its a metaphor for my life. Being short SUCKS! Tall people always look good when they're at a healthy weight. But us short people always look chubbier than we really are. I can remember this one time going to get work pants with all my friends and I was buying size 3 to their 8s but there was NO WAY I looked the skinny one. So, I'm sittting here right now really feeling bad for the thumb. It has to really put up with a lot of crap and heartache for being the one that seperates us from the animals... Infact, come to think of it... I guess all of our fingers have personalities. And most of them aren't good. We already know that the thumb is the beautiful on the inside, misunderstood on the outside, fat friend. The index finger is kind of the sloth. The dirty finger. Its used for pointing blame, pushing buttons and lets not kid ourselves, people... nose picking. We all know the middle finger is the rebel. How many times has that one gotten us into trouble in traffic? The ring finger is the princess. I know that for me, that's always the finger that looks best in the pink nail polish and feels complete when wearing diamonds. For this one, its all about looks. And the pinky finger is kind of the outsider. Its really only good for hitting "a" and ";" on the keyboard. It shys away from the other fingers and doesn't get along all that well. Its like this angry little anorexic finger that doesn't play nice and avoids all the other fingers. I just realized that its probably a really good thing that we only have five fingers instead of seven, because we almost have a finger that has the personality for each of the seven deadly sins.Clearly, the thumb is representative of gluttony with its slow metabolism and chubby physique.The index finger? Well, lets face it. That filthy bastard is all that sloth stands for.The middle finger is most definately rageThe ring finger is pride and vanity and that bastard pinky is envy. Don't believe me? Just hold your hand out in front of you and look how it leans away from the other sinners.... err.... fingers.Something to ponder.

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