Saturday, June 2, 2007

I Quit Florida

Yeah for me! I'm actually at work! AND with the end of the night its the weekend. I actually feel well enough to maybe see a movie and I'm starting to eat more food that doesn't perpetually jiggle or isn't endorsed soley by Bill Cosby. This is all great news but the last week has really been a downer. Aside from the fact that I started my new job off on the wrong foot by working one day, coughing all over and then calling in the next day with the flu, it has been really sad being at home. First of all, let me just recap the fact that growing up SUCKS. I can't remember a time that I wanted my mommy so bad! My mom is a pro at sitting long hours in the ER with me, only its usually for injury, not illness. Mike was a trooper and all, but I wanted my mom, even if she would have said: "You're not dying and don't breathe on me." Combine this with spending three days in bed with no one but the pugs to keep me company and I was already in the mushy mindset of holiday overemotionalism. Everything on TV is Christmas related. Steve Urkel is having his Christmas rerun, along with Full House and all the other forgotten mainstream trainwrecks. Jenny McCarthy is plugging the hell out of her new Christmas movie (in which she plays Santa Clause? O-kay.) and I have seen the preview for Unaccompanied Minors 3,719,488,611 times. What am I saying? I am completely homesick for my family at Christmas. This totally sucks. After four years quarantined at Ringling, I thought I would never have to miss another Christmas again, but here I am gathering my pennies in little piles and wondering if I am able to scrape together enough, how good am I going to look at my new job where I've already used up sick days that I haven't acrued...I can't help it, though. I like the holidays with my family. I have really good reasons to want to go home. I want to spend Christmas with my grandparents... I don't know if they have many more left. I want to see Michelle and Kenna and holy crap, at the same time. I want to see my mom's new puppy. I want to NOT be in Florida where every store is playing holiday music, but it never feels like Christmas and we don't even have a Christmas tree. Stupid Florida. The only real way my little fantasy would come true is if I could drive back. That way I would still be able to have Mike and the dogs with me too. Otherwise, I willhave to spend this Christmas pouting and no one wants that.So I am presenting to you, Jenny's top ten list of why a Florida Christmas woud SUCK.10. 18.36 hours by car away, people will be jumproping without me.9. I'll be moving boxes of crap into a new apartment and then when I'm completely worn out I can sit on the couch and watch endless reruns of the Christmas Story.8. Everyone I would want to spend Christmas with doesn't come from Florida and probably wants to go back to where they came from. 7. My family will call on Christmas and then I'll just feel lousy like I do every year. Stupid Florida.6. Maya will spend the rest of the day hacking up chunks of wrapping paper and tape. 5. Everywhere you attempt to go will be packed and playing Christmas music, but you'll be surrounded by rednecks in shorts.4.From now until Christmas I'll have that "there's nothing to look forward too feeling."3. If this was my grandpa or grandma's last Christmas and I was here eating sugar free Jell-O and screwing around on myspace, I would feel like total shit.2. Michelle and Kenna and I would not be able to combine our powers for world peace.And the number one reason why Christmas in Florida would SUCK is:1. Because I'm sick of regular old Monday through Friday Florida. I'm ready to move where real estate isn't ridiculous and people aren't inbred. Stupid Florida.

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