Saturday, June 2, 2007

I Long for Things That Don't Exist.

At the age of five, I used to get so excited that I would cry when Fraggle Rock came on TV (I cry now when Unsolved Mysteries comes on, or if I even hear the first notes of the theme song, but thats a whole other can of worms.) Anyway, as much as I LOVED the fraggles and seriously dreamed of finding their little cave (and as a side note, I may be just a tad spoiled since my parents ordered all the little dolls for me and even convinced me with a live show that Doozers lived in my basement) there was always something missing in my life. Don't get me wrong. I had every character with perfect detail. I cried when Mokie showed up without a her token necklace and my dad made one out of a bottlecap so that it would be complete. I had snoopys and she-ras and anything a kid from detroit could dream of.... but they just didn't make inspector gadget toys. Now, I'm not talking about the crap you get from McDonalds. I wanted to tell this toy: "GO, GO GADGET UMBELLA" and have an umbrella pop out of his head. I wanted one of these things so bad. I had the perfect picture in my head of what it would look like and the things it would do. Of course, like every other red blooded American girl, I also wanted Penny's cool computer book thing, but thanks to the very thick "Charlotte's Web" and a really bizarro imagination, I had that one covered. I never even really like the cartoon all that much but I NEEDED a toy that could pull a helicopter out of a hat and leap tall buildings on my command with his springy legs. I remember thinking that they would eventually make one. It never happened. I never got my fully automated, obedient, widget weilding doll because he never existed. Thanks a lot Hasbro. Now I am 25. I only cry when Snoopy comes on or like I said before Unsolved Mysteries (I'm crying a little now just thinking about it.) As a 25 year old, however, I still have dreams. I still have an empty space in my heart that the Inspector Gadget toy never filled... now....I want.... a Flux Capacitor. I want it to go in my car by the gear shift.I want it to light up and I want it to yell out "ONE POINT TWENTY ONE JIGGAWATTS" when I reach 88 miles per hour. That's all I want. Is that really too much to ask? Is there really not a market for Flux Capacitors? I ask you, Spencer gifts, where is the love.... where is the love of the '80s, of Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd? Its not like I'm asking for a Delorian here. Geez. If I could have 5 wishes (not three, FIVE. I'm spoiled, see above) they would be:1. I want to eat all the ice cream I want and lose weight doing it.2. I want health and happiness for all my friends and loved ones (and pets)3. I want to take over Cosmo and crush Kate White like a bug4. I want a Flux Capacitor AND5. I want more wishes. (yeah, that one was going in there somewhere, I'm not retarded. I'm just getting started.)What I need are FAIRY GODPARENTS! Or.... maybe to watch less TV.This message will self destruct.....

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